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72 Rohde, Buitelaar, Gerlach & Faraone 1 Choose your battles. Ignore minor misbehavior and focus on more impor- tant issues. 2 When making corrections, talk about the specific behavior that is unaccep- table now without also complaining about a list of grievances from the past. 3 Use brief, reasonable consequences for misbehavior. Long punishments are not usually effective. Except for serious offenses, restrictions lasting a day or a weekend are usually as effective as those that go on for a week or more. 4 If your teenager breaks your trust and doesn’t handle freedom responsibly, discipline him with an appropriate consequence. A few weeks later, give him a second chance. 5 Avoid overreacting when your child disobeys you or gets into trouble. If you’re enraged, you might give yourself some time to calm down while saying something like: “This is not acceptable and I’m very angry. I want to think about what you did and what your consequence will be. Then I’ll come talk with you in a few minutes.” 6 If your child blows up, lower your voice and propose taking a break. If an adult gets loud, a frustrated teenager is likely to get more aggressive and less able to think reasonably. 7 Nurture yourself. When you are frustrated or upset with your child talk with your spouse, another friend or a relative who will be understanding and su- pportive. Seek professional help if you need someone else who can unders- tand ADHD, the stresses of raising a child with ADHD, someone who may be able to offer some useful suggestions. 8 Practice forgiveness for your teenager, for those who have misunderstood your teen, and for yourself. EMOTIONS AND CONFLICT IN INDIVIDUALS AND FAMILIES WITH ADHD Current diagnostic criteria for ADHD include no mention of problems with emo- tions as an aspect of ADHD. Yet most individuals with ADHD and those who know them are very much aware that emotions and struggles with and between various emotions are a critical component of daily life for those with ADHD. In Smart but stuck: emotions in teens and adults with ADHD , Thomas Brown 14 has described a variety of ways in which emotions tend to be problematic for those with ADHD and their families. Emotional conflicts within a person suffering from ADHD can powerfully af- fect their willingness to seek and utilize needed treatment as well as many other aspects of their daily life. Likewise, emotional dynamics between individuals, cou- ples and within families can provide strong support and powerful demoralization